August 4, 2017

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On July 29, 2017 I went out and did not get misgendered at all. I also went to the men’s bathroom and nobody blinked, or even looked at me. I was still a bit nervous, but that’s more in my head than an actual thing. I did get a weird stare from someone at the bus stop, but that seems to happen almost all the time with certain people.

On August 2, 2017 I was not recognized over the phone. Someone called and wished to speak to me, and when I answered they didn’t know it was me until I reassured it was me. I’ve also been wondering if my voice will change any more than it already has. It’s been very steady lately.

On August 3, 2017 I was told that I looked more and more like a dude. It was an attempt to compliment me. I appreciate the intentions, but my response was, to put it simply – “DUH!”. This is intended. This is what happens when you’re transgender and have been on testosterone (T) for over six months. No hard feelings though.

On August 4, 2017 I was told (again) that I move differently. Walk differently. I once again stated that I didn’t realize I was moving or walking in any other way than I always have. Now this is because I feel more confident or/and because I also appear more masculine physically that people may see a different kind of image of me including movements.

I’ve also been feeling hot every night for two weeks now. It seems to have gotten a little better. My appetite has been really low though and is not too great. I still eat, but I’m mostly not very thrilled about most food. This is either related to the T (the heat most likely is related to that) or/and related to the stress I’ve been experiencing.

There are things I am not happy with right now. It’s not transition related, although I wish I could get my top surgery done asap. But that’s not as annoying or excruciating as something else in my life. I am trying to survive this and stay positive. And most importantly, I am working on changing this.

As painful as it may be, I am moving forward slowly. No rush. Making calculated decisions and doing what is necessary to have a better future. After all, getting out of places and situations that make me feel miserable, is what made me go further than I ever thought I could go.

#JourneyToMyself

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