On July 16, 2017 I offered a big surprise to a friend. I met them after a long while, and they were really stunned on how much my voice had changed. I really enjoyed my day and had a wonderful time. It was a good reminder on why I have to push forward and just keep doing my thing.
On July 17, 2017 I experienced a feeling I never have before. Or, in a way, maybe I did? But this was still different. It was severe. Unsettling. I was reviewing my personal and official information, which included my birth name as well as my sex, marked as gender – female. An awful feeling came over me. And that’s when I realized that this is just the beginning. Until I get this changed, it will bug me. I mean, the more I change due to testosterone (T), the more certain things bug me.
These things weren’t such a huge problem before, even if it was still annoying. But as the image in my mirror changes, a name and gender marker that do not match become a more pressing matter. And that’s all the social issues and awkwardness aside. The feeling that this gives. As if, I’ve been working hard to just be myself, but there’s this wall there blocking you. However, I remain optimistic. One day it will be different.
On July 21, 2017 it was time for my next T shot. Which I almost forgot about! I remembered late at night. I’ve been quite busy as well as excited about getting a pet. I haven’t had a pet in almost four years! This distracted me from the fact that I am transgender, I suppose (lol).
Other than that, someone used the right pronouns when referring to me, but then ‘corrected’ themselves. I did not say anything, but damn… they weren’t wrong the first time! I am a bit annoyed with myself, since I could’ve said something. But that brought me to another realization.
I started thinking about how the changing appearance may pressure other people to use the right pronouns, eventually. I mean those who are aware of my transition, but may still use female pronouns. Some of them still do that just because of the environment we’re in, which is why I don’t mind it as much. However, this will have to change.