June 23, 2017

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On June 17, 2017 I had a weird encounter with a random person at the grocery store. It was someone I never met before. They approached me and wanted to become friends. Now, I don’t mind that. However, very soon it turned from friendly to creepy. I was nice and all, and I am not sure what gender they thought I was at this point. However, as I walked away smiling, I was very sure I won’t be meeting them again. Unless we bump into each other by accident.

On June 19, 2017 I felt pretty… savage. That’s right. Savage. It was a mix of various feelings. Not even sure how to explain it. Just… animalistic. And then I was thinking of my grocery store encounter, and contemplated on one of the many reasons I disliked it. While I do want to be desired by someone, the type of desire matters a lot. To put it simply, I realized that I just always hated the idea of being the prey. I could probably write a whole essay on my epiphany regarding this subject. But yeah, the longer I am on testosterone (T), the more myself I feel, and the more I realize my true nature. The nature that I tried to suppress. The nature I thought I had no right for.

Then there is my struggle with weight, which I had to remember when I started checking out some old clothes in my wardrobe. I almost couldn’t believe I could wear some of those clothes before. I gained weight again. For some reason I just can’t seem to be able to stick to any workout routine. It just doesn’t work for me. I get lazy and give up eventually. Gyms give me anxiety with all those people staring. Yes, they do stare. Anyway, this has nothing to do with T. I have been picking up my dumbbells again. A good start, I suppose.

On June 21, 2017 I noticed hair growing on the front of my neck! That’s a bit unexpected. I literally burst into laughter as I saw two long dark hairs on my neck. Before I started T, I knew I’d be hairy, since I was already pretty hairy without T. But this is something else. Either way, it’s cool.

Acne-wise, my face is pretty clear. Honestly, it hasn’t changed much. It’s pretty much the same as it was without T. Same amount of oiliness and occasional pimples here and there. Nothing big. My tea tree oil stuff is helping with this. I’d probably be all pimply otherwise.

On June 23, 2017 it was time for my T shot. Another month flew by. My voice keeps dropping. Hair keeps growing. Veins are starting to pop out. Libido is on another level. Period is on a vacation until further notice. Acne and hunger are mostly under control. Beard is slowly, but steadily coming out to play too. Now just to consider how to save up or earn extra money for top surgery.

#JourneyToMyself

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