May 19, 2017

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On May 14, 2017 my skin was clear again. Any pimples that were invading my face disappeared. I also was getting hungry quickly.

On May 18, 2017 my voice sounded lower again. It’s a strange fluctuation that often depends on social situations too. I do hope my voice will soon settle to a point where it does not sound higher than I would like it to sound whenever I talk. No matter the speed, or the situation I am in.

I got myself a new shampoo. A brand specifically for men. It wasn’t the first time I was using it, but this time it felt different. It gave me a strange satisfaction. It made me feel fresh, attractive, and more manly. I do love nice smelling stuff, so I gladly use whatever smells good, which are often products for women. Or at least many are advertised as such. I am no expert, but they tend to make the skin and hair soft, and smell nice of course.

Anyway, I decided I should buy more products designed for men and see how they make me feel, and if they will give me the same sensation as that shampoo. I want to explore my masculine side more and be less afraid to get rough.

I was also randomly feeling up my arms after a shower. And under all those layers of skin and flab, I could feel hard muscles. It got me excited. But I need to seriously exercise in order for those to show under all that fluff.

On May 19, 2017 nothing else new or special happened, other than feeling awkward while I enter or leave the bathroom. I am still going to the female bathroom at work and it feels shameful. But then I will also face a lot of awkwardness when I go to the male bathroom. I need to address this soon, I guess. It bothers me. I need to make a choice and own it. Use the bathroom I want to use and explain to people why, or keep walking to the female bathroom in shame.

On a brighter note, there’s one person at work who has started using male pronouns without being asked to do so. I appreciate it very much. I want and plan to thank them, and tell them how very grateful I am for that. It’s just truly awesome when people grasp it without me having to explain to them that they should start using male pronouns.

It’s so much easier when people understand.

#JourneyToMyself

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