Living in stealth. A well known phrase in the trans community. As not everyone chooses to disclose that they were born a different sex than they appear to be. And there are truly good reasons not to do so, but then… are they obliged to disclose such information? No.
My dilemma here is rather personal. As a transgender person, who is in the process of transitioning, I wonder a lot if I want to live in stealth, or be open. I truly wish to help and inspire others, and educate the world on people like me. But then I also wish to live peacefully as myself.
Having created this blog it’s me being open, but then I don’t truly disclose my identity (yet?). While living far away from my home country, I have enjoyed being unknown. Which enabled me to become more comfortable with myself and to start changing my life into something I’ve always wanted it to be.
Disclosing who and what I am to people may put me at risk, and bring me some hateful lovin’. This is why a lot of trans people choose not to disclose the fact they are trans. Nobody can blame them. They are not obliged to be the messiahs of our kind.
That aside, a lot of people tend to think that trans community is full of liars, if they do not disclose what is, or was in their pants. I admit, I felt like a liar at some point, when I used to go online and tick ‘male’, choose a male name and just be a male on the Internet all the time. But I was never truly lying. I just didn’t realize it back then.
Dating is yet another tricky area. I am personally all for disclosing the fact that I am trans, if I want a serious relationship. It’s important to me that the other person accepts all of me. But can we still call those who don’t disclose this liars? I say no. However, we do have to consider the preferences of other people too. But whether their preferences are truly theirs, or society induced, is another story.
Then I also remember my family. Families in general also get affected by this and it can be really tricky. To some it would mean bringing shame. Listening to how my family talks about other people’s life choices, I tend to think that shame is exactly what I would bring by being open about myself. So what is there for me then? A hidden life?
In the end, it’s a personal choice, to disclose or not to disclose. Neither is wrong or right. Neither is to be judged. And I stay in my position for now. Even if I’ve been so happy about beginning my transition that I wanted to announce it to the world. Sharing this information with some has been both rewarding and annoying at the same time. Maybe the reality will hit some of them once I grow a beard, or something.
It’s like the concept of a transgender person is a complex scientific formula not many are able to solve.
Going to a different place where nobody knows me, once I’ve transitioned far enough, seems really nice. Nobody would know. Nobody would give me weird looks, or trip on the pronouns. It would just be great to be my real self full force without the ghosts of my past haunting me.
And yet I wonder. Does being myself full force does not also mean showing the world all of me? I truly wish I didn’t even have to have a dilemma like this. In fact, I wish nobody would even need to worry about this. That is why, maybe I’ll get in the spotlight one day. I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. And whatever comes.
For me. For all of us. For our future. For a better world.