February 10, 2017

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On February 4, 2017 I reached my home country. The journey was long and very tiring. I wasn’t sure what to think when I got there. I was not feeling optimistic at all about telling my family that I am transitioning. I needed more time to re-think this decision.

Feelings aside, my voice kept fluctuating. I had to clear my throat often. Surprisingly, I did not experience much soreness in my leg muscle this time. It came and went quickly somewhere during my trip. Basically, within a day or so.

On February 7, 2017 I did not document anything new. The cold climate made my skin way less oily, but then it went from one extreme to another. Winter weather dried my skin out. But I kept using my skin care products for acne, which also include a moisturizer.

Voice fluctuation continued. My hunger wasn’t too crazy. Maybe I got used to the new hunger levels. I wasn’t too sure. My metabolism just felt faster than before. My libido has definitely increased, but it wasn’t too bad. It just felt like I have reached an all time new high.

One thing I didn’t mention yet, not even in my own journal that is only for my eyes to see, is period. It’s something I was avoiding. I didn’t feel comfortable with it, but it’s there. It’s a part of my life and my reality, and a part of the changes I’ve been documenting here, so I decided I should mention any changes with the period too. I had it as normal almost a couple of weeks ago. The only thing I’ve noticed was that it kept randomly spotting some days after it would be normally fully over.

On February 10, 2017 I marked four weeks on testosterone (T). But it wasn’t time for my next shot yet. As instructed by my doctor, I was to inject T the following week. I did grow more and more suspicious of the fuzz on my face and I noticed a few darker hairs growing on my chin. I was eyeing my face for maybe ten minutes. It was difficult to tell if it’s just my imagination, or if it’s for real. Mainly because I had some fuzz on my face before I even started T. But my face did appear to have more light hair growing on it.

This week was also filled with a lot of anxiety and worries, which had nothing to do with hormones themselves. In fact, I did not notice any mood changes due to T itself. Other than feeling happier and looking forward to seeing my body change. My biggest obstacle was the decision to tell my family what’s happening with me. After observing them, I still had a lot of doubts. I was very sure they wouldn’t take it well. I had to think again if it was the best choice, and if it was the right decision to tell them while I’m there. I felt like I was paralyzed and I just wanted to go back to my normal life again. I’ve elaborated quite well on how I felt coming back to my country in my previous post.

I’ve most certainly had no fun at all… And felt anxious about sharing things here. Which deserves a whole post of its own.

Luckily, this was temporary.

#JourneyToMyself

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