January 20, 2017

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On January 14, 2017 I felt ecstatic. It was the next day after my first testosterone (T) shot. I was excited about the future and spent hours on YouTube watching videos of other trans guys. I wondered how low my voice would get and how long it would take for that to happen. It all still felt like a distant future, as if my own journey hasn’t started yet. But it did.

It was real. It has just begun and there would be a lot to come, but most importantly, it was very very real.

On January 17, 2017 I went to the gym for the first time after a long while. I felt shy and awkward around other people, but I just went and did my thing. I felt proud of myself for doing it. Perhaps the fact that I was finally on T was making it easier and motivating me to start working out. And it is worth mentioning that I was hungry like an animal. But I wasn’t sure if this could be the effects of the T already. It was only the first week.

On January 19, 2017 I noticed that in the morning it was so much easier to speak in a lower voice tone. That tendency continued the next morning as well. I felt amazed. I wondered if it’s the T at work. I was eager to get my voice to drop, but it still seemed a bit too soon. My regular voice tone did not disappear, but it seemed so easy to talk in a lower tone. Before, I always had to put effort in trying to talk in a lower tone. It made me want to talk to myself and talk more in general.

On January 20, 2017 it was time for my next T shot. It was the first time I did it by myself. It went well. There was no pain and only very little blood after pulling the needle out, which is normal. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to feel anything. I didn’t feel anything at all. It was just done.

And so it was time to see what the next week would bring.

#JourneyToMyself

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